What a Pain in the Neck

This week I've been dealing with a whole host of issues in my neck and upper back.

1. Pinched nerve. Man oh man, do these hurt!
2. Two vertebrae (C7 and L3) that weren't "moving," which led to..
3. Muscle spasms and knots
4. My 2nd rib out of place
5. Not being able to sleep for more than 1.5-2 hours at a time and using Aleve as a crutch 24 hours a day (I'm not a big fan of painkillers, so this is big).

I like to think that I have a high threshold of pain, but I don't know that I can boast of that any longer. I was comparing it to childbirth pain only worse, because I didn't know when/if it would ever end!

I am so thankful for my friend and her husband. They have been real agents of healing and change in my life anyway, and now Dave (who's a physiotherapist) has given me two treatments to help deal with all of the above.

I know that my love for God should never be conditional upon my circumstances, but sometimes when God moves, I can't help but say thanks. God has provided healing (we'll see how I'm doing in the morning!). God has provided people who care. God has provided a couple who are helping me get the physical and emotional healing I need so that we can return to doing what He's called us to do in Tanzania. God has been so present and almost tangible as He pours out His love... so I think what started out being the biggest pain in my neck this week (literally and figuratively) is now my biggest cause for praise.

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40: 28-31

-JLR

Diarrhea of the Mouth

Have you ever felt this way? Like any and all attempts to hold in your words were absolutely futile? I've been feeling like that a lot the past few weeks. Typically it is in relation to culture. I can't for some reason talk about the differences between cultures without imposing judgment and negativity on one side or the other... take Halloween candy, for example. Last year we were completely thrown off-guard that Halloween candy was so different here in BC. It turns out that there is more influence from the UK, so there are more Cadbury products (and other companies, maybe??) and "weird" things like CoffeeCrisp, CrispyCrunch, Wonderbar, Aero, Caramilk and Smarties (the chocolate M&M-esque kind). They're not our favorites, but not because they are inherently BAD... they're just DIFFERENT from what we grew up with. Our tastes are more accustomed to Reeses, KitKat (even the KitKats here taste different bc they are from a different chocolate company), Snickers, Milky Way, 3 Musketeers, M&Ms, Hershey's, etc, etc, etc.

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make (and maybe not succeeding at...) is that I don't know how to process those and other differences without imposing judgment. Most of the time I just keep it in or talk about them with a few select people who know about my lack of a filter when I'm processing externally. But is that really better? James 3 talks about the tongue as a rudder and how it directs us to where we will go. It also says that it is impossible to tame the tongue. That's probably because the tongue only exposes what is already in our hearts. Matthew 12:34-36 is pretty clear about how it is because of what is in our hearts that we say what we say. But doesn't the Sermon on the Mount take all of those things to a heart level? If we hold them in our hearts but never speak on them, is it any better? Won't they come out in some way or another? The truth is, I think part of me resents the fact that I'm always the one caught between cultures. It's hard being a cross-cultural worker and always having to fit in with the host culture. Especially when every time I give up a bit of my own culture, I fit in less in the US when we're back! Why is it always me that has to change? If I keep changing, how will I ever know who the real ME is?? It's pretty draining. But if we're going to keep living the nomadic lifestyle we're living (Canada, Tanzania, wherever), I'm going to have to get at the roots of what is causing me to have diarrhea of the mouth... and for some reason stopping it up (think verbal Immodium) is not really going to fix the real problem. :)

-JLR