Meet Alexis

This morning, Alexis got out of bed promptly at 7am.  She went out for a morning walk, came back, showered, did her morning devotions, and made a nice breakfast for her family.  She looked radiant and yet understated in her freshly laundered, trendy clothes.  Her makeup brought out her natural beauty without looking gaudy or overdone.  The truth is, Alexis could go without makeup and be just fine. 

By 9am, Alexis had finished her morning chores (kitchen clean, beds made, etc.) as well as her "chore of the day"... today it was sweeping and scrubbing the floors.  She was ready to start homeschooling her daughter and had already prepared an extra craft and science activity that they would start on their morning break.  School began promptly at 9 with a cheerful attitude and big smile.  What exciting things would they learn today!?

Alexis is not quite real, if you hadn't guessed.  She's my alter-ego and the personification of my mental "shoulds" list.  She's all the things I want for myself but don't have the time or energy to actually have.  She is who I picture as the perfect wife and mom.  She bears an unreasonable load of responsibilities-- at home, at school, in the ministry, in her friendships, in her marriage, as a parent... I think you get the picture.  She never seems overly stressed, either.  She takes it all in stride and holds up well.  Others think she's amazing.  And she is.  She's a dream and yet I despise her.  She's TOO perfect.  So perfect that I could never be like that in a million years.  I've tried, but it's not possible.  I don't have enough time or energy to be like Alexis.  So I've decided that she must live here on my blog from now on. 

The real Jeana got out of bed at 8:30 this morning, stumbled into the shower, made breakfast and finally told M to turn the am cartoons off at 9:30.  No makeup.  No hairstyle.  It's Wednesday, after all, and I have no one to impress.  It's 10:15 and we have yet to start homeschool for the day, but will hopefully get to it soon.  My kitchen is a wreck and my floors are definitely not scrubbed!  But that's ok.  I'm more real this way.  And I will get to those things in time.  Right now there are more important things to do... things like drinking a cuppa tea and rejecting all those "shoulds" that I feel piled on my shoulders.  Because today is a new day and my name is Jeana, not Alexis.

-JLR
ps... Alexis is not named after anyone I know nor is she based on anyone I know... unless of course you count the perfect, idealized expectations I have for myself.

Birthday Fun!

This past week has been birthday week in the Roth house!  Micaiah is now a big 6 year-old! 

I have been super-impressed with the gifts she's gotten this year.  If you know me well, you know how irritated I tend to get when people give us or Micaiah big, bulky, or unwanted gifts.  Don't get me wrong-- I appreciate the generosity very much.  But at the same time, we travel a lot, so such gifts tend to be impractical.  Not to mention the constant sorting and paring down we do of the toy-bin.  And I am the one who has to tell her that she can't keep it all.  She just doesn't need so much stuff.  None of us do, really.  Back to the point... I have been really impressed by her birthday gifts this year!  She got a new Bible (that we asked for), paints/paper, doodle/logic books, a Webkinz, books, a savings bond, a certificate for a "fun outing," a dvd, new rain boots, and her ears pierced (our gift to her).  What a great variety! 

Thanks to all who have sent/given such thoughtful gifts that still keep in mind the nomadic lifestyle we live.  I appreciate you more than you can know!!!

-JLR

Freedom

I used to think that freedom in Christ-- when it came to food-- meant that I could eat whatever I wanted.  In this process to get my body back in order, my doctor has also recommended a few very specific dietary changes to go with my supplements.  These include switching to a more whole foods diet, cutting sugar (as much as possible), cutting processed foods (completely, if possible), eating protein (eggs) with vegetables as breakfast, and reducing gluten and dairy intake.  For someone who grew up thinking that vegetables were mostly garnish on the plate, this is a completely new way of thinking.  I had patterns of eating that were largely carb-heavy-- breads, pastas, potatoes, etc.  A few weeks ago a friend emailed me in response to an email about this and said that she is praying, "that this will be an exercise in freedom for you in that you will feel the freedom to not choose what you crave but what you know is good for you."  Woah!  I had always claimed 1 Corinthians 8 as Biblical proof that we can eat whatever we want and not have dietary restrictions!  Is that the wrong way to look at the passage?  Here it is so you can read it again, too:  

So then, about eating food sacrificed to idols: We know that an idol is nothing at all in the world and that there is no God but one.  For even if there are so-called gods, whether in heaven or on earth (as indeed there are many "gods" and many "lords"),  yet for us there is but one God, the Father, from whom all things came and for whom we live; and there is but one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things came and through whom we live.   But not everyone knows this. Some people are still so accustomed to idols that when they eat such food they think of it as having been sacrificed to an idol, and since their conscience is weak, it is defiled.  But food does not bring us near to God; we are no worse if we do not eat, and no better if we do.  Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak.  For if anyone with a weak conscience sees you who have this knowledge eating in an idol's temple, won't he be emboldened to eat what has been sacrificed to idols?  So this weak brother, for whom Christ died, is destroyed by your knowledge.  When you sin against your brothers in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ.  Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause him to fall.  1 Corinthians 8:4-13

So what I'm learning and praying about now is that God would free me from my food addictions.  I hope that in eating this way I can be mastered by nothing-- not even food!-- and that I can use food instead as fuel for my body.  If that means completely revamping my diet, then so be it!  If that means cutting out the foods I think I want more than anything else, then God, I pray for the grace I need to get through those cravings!  

So the new verse I'm clinging to (as I still figure out 1 Cor 8!) is 1 Corinthians 6:12: "Everything is permissible for me"-- but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"-- but I will not be mastered by anything.

Now, just keep me away from those Timbits!  :)

-JLR

Hypocrite

Do you ever have moments when you realize how much of a hypocrite you really are?  As I indulged in three Timbits (donut holes) from Tim Hortons this morning, I realized that all that I've ever said about my recently acquired healthy-eating goals can fly right out the window when I taste that glaze and the donut melts in my mouth... yeah, I still like fat and sugar.  :)

-JLR

Judgmentalism

So while I am under-impressed at the amount of blog hits I've gotten from my "controversy" blog post, I press on in my new quest for being more authentic in my posting.  As I've already hinted, I have a few things on my mind about Rob Bell fiasco.  If you're not familiar with the story, I think this post that appeared last week in the Huffington Post is a good summary and I will also summarize a bit here for the sake of context.  Basically, Rob Bell (a leader of the emergence movement, who also appears in the Nooma video series) is releasing a book later in March called "Love Wins."  From his publicity video (view here) you get the sense that he may be challenging some of the fundamentals of the Christian faith and is possibly dancing around universalism-- the all people regardless of whether they put their faith in Jesus can go to heaven. 

One thing I love about Rob Bell is that he isn't afraid to ask the hard questions.  Regardless of any doctrinal positions he holds, what I find refreshing is his uncanny ability to articulate the questions people are really asking (or not asking, for that matter).  We watched several of the Nooma videos in our small group last year and he doesn’t actually come out and tell the answers most of the time.  It takes a lot of discipline to take those issues back to Scripture and figure out what the Bible does teach.  Still, I think a lot of people misinterpret his questions as being leading questions or rhetorical questions when he’s just trying to expose more sides to an issue. 

I love Piper as well.  He's one of my all-time favorite pastors and I've heard him preach in person as well as in numerous sermons from his amazing website.  He responded to some of the initial publicity about Bell's book with a tweet, "farewell Rob Bell."  Or so I've read.  I'm not on twitter, so I actually don't even know this for sure.  But it seems fairly undisputed on the web and we all know that anything on the internet is complete truth (*insert sarcasm here*).

Anyway... I still haven't gotten to my point, which is:  I wonder what the book is about.  I will probably read it, but as I speculate on what sort of issue Bell could be addressing, I have to wonder whether it's judgmentalism itself.  We judge people all the time.  We all like to think that we have a right or even a responsibility to judge others.  There's probably even some truth in that.  In Matthew 7, Jesus talks about removing the plank from your own eye so that you can remove the speck from your brother’s eye (Matthew 7:5, italics mine).  So there is a very real sense in which we are supposed to be judging others.  But how and why and for what purpose?  Is there any context in which I can judge a person's eternal destiny?  Is it even possible for anyone other than God to do that? 

We can only judge the fruit from the tree, so to speak.  If the fruit is good, then the tree is good and if the fruit is bad, then the tree is bad (Matthew 7).  But what about the scenario with the criminal on the cross?  Jesus told the repentant criminal that he would be with Him in paradise (Luke 23:43).  Is there any fruit in that man's life that would suggest that he was going to heaven?  No, I would say not, unless maybe someone was eavesdropping on this conversation.  Jesus judged him.  And his judgment was that this man’s heart had changed and Jesus assured him that he was headed for paradise.   

I guess my question is whether reserving God's right to judge people is the same as holding to Universalism?  And if asking these questions is a way of understanding God and His character better, then is it wrong to be asking the questions in the first place?   

You know, if Bell’s book IS about judgmentalism, I have a sneaking suspicion that this might be a ploy to get a lot of interest generated about his new book… it has definitely caught my attention!

-JLR

Controversy

Tim has told me that the reason I don't get more comments on my blog is because I'm not controversial enough.  It's true.  I value peace and while I'm working on not being as much of a people-pleaser, I honestly just don't like it when people disagree.  As I learn more about myself I realize it's not as much the disagreeing I dislike, but the value judgments that go with disagreements-- "you must be stupid to believe x, y, or z!"  My desire to have the "right answer" goes all the way back to my school days of being the teacher's pet and probably even before that.  As a result, I find that I mentally rate/rank my blog post ideas based on what might offend which of my readers and what angle on any topic would offend the least number of people... that's hard to do when I know people from so many nationalities, cultural backgrounds, political leanings, and even different denominations in the church!  In fact, the more I think about it, the more I'm likely to postpone my post or even abandon my idea altogether!  I may start to post those thoughts more on here.  Not because I'm trying to stir the proverbial pot (though I have been known to enjoy that on occasion), but because I am who I am and this blog is where I put my thoughts.  Or where I should be free to put my thoughts.  And it's ok to think differently than others-- even other Christians (gasp!)-- and engage with others in meaningful conversation on issues that really matter... it is, right??  We can all be adults here and have an intelligent conversation, right?  We shall see...

So has anyone else been following the drama on the Rob Bell book that's going to be released in 11 days?  :)

-JLR