Too Busy To Worry

My apologies for the lack of posts in the past few weeks.  It wasn't because there wasn't anything going on here-- in fact, quite the opposite!  We'd finish each day and just collapse into bed so it could start again the next day.

I've been meditating on the passage from Matthew 6 and particularly this verse: "Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."  Indeed it does!  For the first time in my life, I have actually realized that I am too busy to worry.  Over the course of the last few weeks, I have come to expect that each "tomorrow" will be a challenge.  Not only does worry not accomplish anything positive, but I'm stealing the energy God has given me to deal with each "today."  I'm a natural worrier, so this is a big lesson that God has been teaching me!

Anyway, here's the brief version of the past few weeks to get you caught up:
Oct 9 (when I last posted)-19-- we moved from the guesthouse into the Langs' home.  We stayed there with them and helped them with a number of home-improvement projects such as putting screens on their front and back security doors to keep mosquitoes and flies out.  We (as in both families together) got into routines of cooking, cleaning, securing the house, talking with various fundis ("experts" in various things like plumbing, carpentry, electricity, etc.) to arrange improvements and repairs.  Oh, and many of us got sick with a nasty virus during this stretch, so were out of commission for 2-4 days at a time.  Thankfully Jamie didn't get it and was able to continue preparing food for the gang!

Oct 20-- our friend Jeremy was airlifted from Mpanda to Nairobi for emergency medical treatment.  He had been very sick for the 20 hours or so leading up to his med-evacuation.  Jamie and Lily (their youngest) went with him.

Oct 20-26-- We stayed in Mpanda at the Lang's house with Junio and Annabelle (their two oldest kids).  We had our moments of frustration during this time for sure-- like that Saturday when we had a crew working on the perimeter wall, a crew working on installing 2 western toilets, and the plumber who was overseeing the toilets and also working on other plumbing jobs.  Tim left at several points to get additional plumbing supplies in town and to work on negotiations for our new house.  We somehow kept all this organized along with managing the usual househelper and keeping the kiddos fed and entertained.... I didn't think I'd make it through that day!  But we did.  (ok, so I did break down at least twice during the day, but was better each time after a good cry...)  The downside to having the toilets installed to replace the squatty potties was that the cement needed 4 days to dry and we'd need to use the outhouse during that time!  Bummer!  (btw, it is probably the nicest outhouse I've ever used, but it's still inconvenient to make potty runs outside, especially with three kiddos and when mosquitoes are out late at night!)

Oct 26-- Jamie and Lily returned to Mpanda by a small chartered AIM flight. 

Oct 27-- We woke up to chaos-- the guard outside had chased off three (or more?) thieves.  One had distracted him by throwing rocks at the gate while others hopped over the wall and took some plastic chairs that were outside.  They got away.  We heard later that it was probably young troublemakers who had "hit the neighborhood" and stolen several things from other yards as well.  It took us some time to review our security plan and make sure we were as safe as possible.

Oct 31-- We finished moving things into our new house and spent the first night there.

Since then we have been settling in, unpacking, having fundis come to work on electricity, plumbing, blender repair (a priority so I can have my morning kefir shakes!!), and other various things.  I have been training a new househelper who may or may not work out for us... it depends on how this week (her second week) goes!  We'll just have to wait and see.  But for now things are starting to slow down and we're able to get back into some routines.  Routines keep me sane, after all and bring a much-welcomed structure to my schedule.

Speaking of structure, time to get back to homeschool with Micaiah. :)

-JLR

Camp

We've had a lot of opportunities to share about our work in Tanzania, but one of my highlights this summer was sharing at Kings Kids Camp near St Louis, MO.  Preparing for this presentation was fun and exciting, and it got me wondering why we don't make all of our presentations so interactive and... well... interesting!!  How do you make linguistics interesting?  You don't talk about it!! Just kidding. :)  It's true that linguistics can be a very dry subject.  If you don't believe me, you should try reading Tim's Master's Thesis!  But somehow, knowing that our audience was 9-13 year-olds forced us to think outside the box!  And I'm glad we did. 

We did a monolingual demonstration where Tim played "Mafuru" the Tanzanian.  I had three translation helpers try to translate what he was saying, illustrating both the need for translators and the difficulties (on an elementary level) that they face.  They loved hearing us talk back and forth in Swahili as I translated for him, and I taught them a few Swahili words along the way.  My favorite part was later hearing that some younger campers debated for quite some time whether or not Tim was actually from Tanzania!!  I guess the blonde hair didn't give him away after all!  We also did a compare/contrast between an Ikizu alphabet chart and the English one... the kids really enjoyed that and were rewarded with candy for each difference they found.  We showed the obligatory maps and even had a video of what it was like to drive on Tanzanian "roads."  And finally we closed with a bit of cultural education-- I gave them all candy and then taught them the word Shikamoo (respectful greetings to elders) and had them present their candy to their counselors as they practiced the greeting.  Tying candy into any experience is sure to help them remember it!

This presentation was especially meaningful to me because I was 10 years old the first year I went to this camp.  Camp was where I first learned that Jesus was more than a character in stories-- that He was real and wanted to be my friend.  I spent three years as a camper and four years as a Jr/Sr counselor until finally I had too many scheduling conflicts between camp and short-term missions trips.  It's only one week in the summer, but somehow those who go to camp keep coming back for more year after year.  This experience was so nostalgic that we're already trying to figure out how to make sure we can be back in time for camp on a furlough-- it would be so special to have all three of us at camp together!

And now a picture... this was my last year at camp as a counselor (1999).  I'm in the back row, second from the left. :)

I only wish I had one from my first year at camp... or maybe I'm glad I don't!

-JLR

Miss Manners

Every generation has trust issues.  Or better yet, the new technologies that create them!

I've been collecting my thoughts for months now and every time I hear of a friend "clearing out their facebook friend list" I think about it again.  It has been the reason why I don't post pictures or stories as often on FB or even my blog... and here's what it boils down to for me at least.  Feel free to chime in if you have other thoughts to add.

• Trust.  If I post something, I'm trusting all those who read/view it to interact with it.  This means leaving a comment or "liking" it or somehow telling me (ie: by email) that you've interacted with my blog/page/wall.  You don't have to comment on or like every picture/post, but occasionally would at least let me know what interests you and who my audience is.
• Give-And-Take.  Getting comments is a bit like having a conversation.  You comment.  I respond.  That's how these internet conversations go.  If I post and you don't comment, then this is a very one-sided (and therefore unhealthy) relationship, isn't it?  Isn't the logical extent of a one-sided relationship stalking or some other dysfunction??
• Balance.  I'm being vulnerable by posting something.  If you read it without responding, there's an imbalance there for sure!  I'm not saying you have to comment on everything, but at least occasionally..
• Manners.  I think it boils down to having good manners and following good etiquette in the facebook/blog realm.  The difficulty (and I understand this!) is that these technologies are still new, so collectively we're still figuring out what's appropriate and what isn't.
• Purpose.  People use facebook and blogs for very different reasons.  Some people use them as a journal and others just to entertain their friends.  These different purposes might lead to different expectations on interactions.  For example, a cooking blog is not personal, so I don't feel the need to comment on it from time to time unless I make one of the recipes and want to communicate my praise.  But for those of us who bare our soul from time to time in the public forum, we perhaps have different expectations.  (by the way, baring one's soul is a generational thing to some extent at least.  I can't imagine someone in my parents' generation wrestling with a spiritual or emotional issue publicly!)

Almost a year ago I added a Feedjit module on the right side of my blog.  It tracks the location of everyone who reads my blog.  Thanks to having friends around the world, I generally know who has been reading and how often.  I'm starting to feel, though, that this is not enough, so I'm considering a sign-in feature.  Facebook doesn't allow Feedjit-type features, so I'm now considering cutting down my FB friends list to those who actually interact with me.  I have lots of people on there that I never talk to.  Perhaps I'm the only one who really cares about this sort of thing, but I have the feeling I'm not... how do you maintain your privacy without merely keeping all your thoughts out of the blogisphere? 

-JLR

My Little Tantrum

But I don't want to leave Langley! 

I know, I know... I sound like a two year-old.  But that doesn't change the fact that the past two years have held some of my fondest memories, my closest friendships, and one of the healthiest seasons that my little family of three has ever had, spiritually and emotionally.  Physically we've had our battles, but the access to amazing healthcare (ie: my naturopathic doctor and our TWU clinic doctor, who knows us by name!) has been so stellar that even that has been a blessing!  We have incredible friends, we have a terrific church, we have valuable work and roles here.  And now it's time to move on.  I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt.  It hurts a lot.  It makes me sob and cry out, "Why God, why!?!" 

"Because you're not done, Jeana.  There's still work to do."  I know this.  And in one sense I am excited and eager to get back to this work and to our new home in Tanzania.  But in another very real sense, this sucks!  The emotional stress of frequent goodbyes and international moves is by far my least favorite part of being a missionary.  

Random fact... I sometimes have projectile tears.  That's right.  I sometimes cry so hard that the tears practically shoot out of my eyes because they can't get out of there before new ones are already on their heels... and there will no doubt be many more tears in the weeks to come. 

Langley, BC has been by far one of our favorite places to live and work.  I'm so thankful to have had the chance to live here... BC truly is one of the most beautiful places on earth.  Two weeks to go.

-JLR

Hypocrite

Do you ever have moments when you realize how much of a hypocrite you really are?  As I indulged in three Timbits (donut holes) from Tim Hortons this morning, I realized that all that I've ever said about my recently acquired healthy-eating goals can fly right out the window when I taste that glaze and the donut melts in my mouth... yeah, I still like fat and sugar.  :)

-JLR

Controversy

Tim has told me that the reason I don't get more comments on my blog is because I'm not controversial enough.  It's true.  I value peace and while I'm working on not being as much of a people-pleaser, I honestly just don't like it when people disagree.  As I learn more about myself I realize it's not as much the disagreeing I dislike, but the value judgments that go with disagreements-- "you must be stupid to believe x, y, or z!"  My desire to have the "right answer" goes all the way back to my school days of being the teacher's pet and probably even before that.  As a result, I find that I mentally rate/rank my blog post ideas based on what might offend which of my readers and what angle on any topic would offend the least number of people... that's hard to do when I know people from so many nationalities, cultural backgrounds, political leanings, and even different denominations in the church!  In fact, the more I think about it, the more I'm likely to postpone my post or even abandon my idea altogether!  I may start to post those thoughts more on here.  Not because I'm trying to stir the proverbial pot (though I have been known to enjoy that on occasion), but because I am who I am and this blog is where I put my thoughts.  Or where I should be free to put my thoughts.  And it's ok to think differently than others-- even other Christians (gasp!)-- and engage with others in meaningful conversation on issues that really matter... it is, right??  We can all be adults here and have an intelligent conversation, right?  We shall see...

So has anyone else been following the drama on the Rob Bell book that's going to be released in 11 days?  :)

-JLR

A Tanzania Moment

Today as I was getting a prescription filled at the pharmacy, I asked the pharmacist whether they sold the day-by-day pill containers. You know, the kind that have little compartments for S-M-T-W-Th-F-Sa and are usually only used by old people? Well, my supplements are getting a bit out of control and being the kind of person who needs a little organization in my life, I decided I'd bite the bullet and risk resembling the old person stereotype. Back to the point. The pharmacist there is very friendly and speaks great English but has a strong accent that is hard to place. I'm thinking middle East somewhere, but I can't say for sure. Maybe Egypt? Anyway, I asked him if they carried them and he said, "no, but I will check." Check what? You either sell them or you don't, right? I shook it off and as I was walking out noticed there was a dollar store two stores down in the same strip mall. Do you think he would have just run down and checked for me at the dollar store? Does that sort of thing happen here in Canada? It doesn't happen in the US, but it happened ALL THE TIME in Tanzania! A store owner in TZ would be totally happy to send a kid (or go himself/herself) from store to store on your behalf to find out if anyone carried the item you were looking for! This was relatively easy since all the food stores are on one street, the hardware stores on another street, the sewing dukas/stores in one section of the market, etc.

As we stopped into the dollar store and found the pill containers I was looking for, Tim and I agreed that he probably was planning to check here for us! Especially if he had a lull in business and could just hop over for a quick look! I love that so many cultures around the world are so helpful in this way-- it made me miss Tanzania and the days of the helpful shop clerks and drive through produce stands that tend to make consumers like me just a little bit lazier... and happier, I might add. :)

-JLR

On Second Thought...

Joy is not working out for me today. The aftermath of all that's happened in the past week has been more than I can bear emotionally and I'm completely broken. I'm struggling with panic, fear, and stress that doesn't seem to go away no matter how hard I pray, breathe, or talk things through! I suppose it's normal to have good days and bad days, but sheesh.

Yesterday we heard a really good sermon on undeserved grace. I know the point was probably for us to realize how much we need God's grace, but instead God drove home the point that I need to forgive the person or people who broke into our home. I've been shown so much grace and God has loved me since before I did anything good... shouldn't I be an agent of that grace to others? Even if they aren't deserving? (who is deserving, anyway?)
"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions-- it is by grace you have been saved. --Ephesians 2:4
I made a first step toward forgiveness, but I know that it's probably not as simple as saying "I forgive them" once. I expect that it will come up over and over as I realize just how much I'm actually forgiving them for.

Am I alone? Has anyone out there had to forgive someone for something that seemed unforgivable or for something that was still producing negative effects? I'd love to hear some other thoughts on this.

-JLR

12 Days of Christmas

We've been watching the calendar this year in expectation for returning to Missouri for the holidays. When I checked the calendar today, I noticed that today is Dec 14-- 12 Days from Christmas (counting today through the 25th)!

Well, I never have been sure whether the 12 Days of Christmas was before or after Christmas. After a quick Wikipedia search, I found that traditionally it goes from Christmas or Boxing Day to Jan 6 (Epiphany). But since I was already thinking of the songs, I thought I'd post about it anyway. My all-time favorite version of this song is the one with Mickey, Donald and the whole crew... ah good memories from my childhood! I also loved the Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas album (a real record!) that we used to put on the record player as we wrapped presents in the warmth of the fireplace in the basement. Good times.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
12 drummers drumming
11 pipers piping
10 lords-a-leaping
9 ladies dancing
8 maids-a-milking
7 swans-a-swimming
6 geese-a-laying
5 golden rings!
4 calling birds
3 french hens
2 turtle doves
and a partridge in a pear tree!

-JLR

GEMS Crazy Hair Day

Tonight was crazy hair day at GEMS (the Thursday night girls club at church). I spent way too much time this afternoon braiding pipe cleaners into Micaiah's hair... oh but it was so fun looking!
This is the "before bed" shot-- I'm hoping the loose ponytail will keep the pipe cleaners from poking her little head. :)

-JLR

Tim's New Blog

Tim's going to be writing about his thesis-writing on his new blog. Check out the video he just made (there's also a link on his latest post) ... it's hilarious and I can verify that these conversations happen all the time! In fact, I've even been guilty of it myself at points. :)

-JLR

Watercolor Card

I've been meeting with an amazing, godly woman every week while we've been in Canada. She's awesome and this past week celebrated a birthday. I got her a fairly simple, generic gift, which always feels so impersonal. So as I was brainstorming how to make it more personal, I caught a glimpse of my watercolors and decided to play around... and came up with the idea of a watercolor birthday card! I got the idea/design from a website that I no longer have the link for. But the idea was good (and helpful since I hadn't painted in a while). In fact, I think I might do some more cards with teacup/flower themes. We shall see. Either way, I loved the creative time and will definitely be doing more painting in the future!

-JLR

Back Home

I struggle with the idea of home. There are very familiar places that feel familiar, but is that the same thing as "home"? A couple weeks ago I set out for a Member Care course that was being offered in Pennsylvania. Thanks to a busy schedule and the start of classes for Tim at TWU/CanIL, my family (Tim and Micaiah) wasn't able to come with me. So I set out by myself. The course was amazing and I learned a ton, but I missed my family. When we were finally reunited two days ago at SeaTac Airport, I couldn't have been happier! Home for me is definitely wherever those two are!

Since arriving back at our house here in Canada (we are fortunate enough to be renting the same house two years in a row!), I also feel more "at home". It is difficult to live in transition all the time, so maybe one aspect of "home" is stability and feeling like it is a place to settle and put down some roots.

The past few days have been a whirlwind for us as a family! I arrived at Seattle on Sunday and we spent the afternoon driving back to Langley and doing some shopping. My family did a good job of eating decent food while I was away, but I could tell Tim was anxious to give back the burden of meal planning and food prep. :) I'm happy to have it back, honestly, and I'm looking forward to trying some of the new recipes I've collected... not to mention the three new cookbooks I will be working through this year! Yay for More With Less, Simply in Season, and Extending the Table!!! I can't WAIT to try all the recipes!!!

In other news, we also officially started our Homeschool Kindergarten year on Monday. We're two days in and loving it! It is going so well, and I think being able to create a "desk space" for Micaiah is helping her get into it as well. She has a calendar and a schedule on the wall by her desk and I made a name sheet for the top of her desk... you know, the kind with your name printed neatly on the lined sheet with decor on the edges?? She lit up when she saw it. She was still very sad that she wouldn't get to ride a bus to school. But even if she went to a school here she wouldn't ride a bus since the elementary school is within walking distance.

Micaiah is getting so big! I know I keep saying this, but it is really hitting me hard. To make things even more real, she lost her very first tooth this afternoon. My how time flies. I remember when she got that tooth (at four months, mind you!) and I couldn't believe how fast my BABY was growing up... so much to be nostalgic about. :)

Anyway, that's about it for now. I have a few more things to blog about in the near future, so hopefully it won't be so long between posts. :)

-JLR

Quote

Micaiah saw me crying this morning and came over to talk to me.

M: "What's wrong, Mama?"
J: "I'm really missing your daddy right now."
M: "I know, me too. But sometimes you just have to cry it out."

I have an amazing five year old and an amazingly wise God for giving her to me!

-JLR

Prayer Parallel

I had a revelation this morning. This week I have been struggling with being so far away from Tim. We're more than halfway through his trip, but it must be an emotional slump of some sort-- the excitement of him leaving on this great adventure has passed, but the excitement of his impending return has not yet arrived!

As I sat here in tears this morning missing the man who knows me better than anyone else in the world, I was struck with the realization that this parallels (or should parallel!) my relationship with Christ. I can get busy and distracted with various things and go a few days without talking to God, but I start to fall apart if I go too long. I'm not talking about Bible study or praying through a list of prayer requests (though those things are also important), I'm talking about meeting with God in a personal way-- hearing His voice, knowing Him and being known by Him. Tim was able to talk with me for a few minutes this morning on the phone, and just hearing his voice secured me in my relationship with him! I was comforted in an amazing way knowing that he loved me and cared for me and would be praying for me even from so far away. This was a huge encouragement to take all of my emotions to God-- that He cared even more about me and what I was going through than my husband ever could!

Sometimes I feel like God is so far away. But other times I wonder if it's only my perception or the expectations that I put on God to be something He isn't. I am more encouraged now than ever to pray and to spend that personal intimate time with Him. It's like hearing my husband's voice.

-JLR

House-sitting

We had a great opportunity to house-sit for my sister and brother-in-law while they were out of town for their family vacation. I can't tell you how amazing it is to have breathing room for a few days and be able to cook for the 3 of us! It's hard to live with people constantly no matter how much you love them, so it's definitely not a slam against those who generously offer us their spare rooms or feed us meals. :)

Tim is counting down the days until his trip to Tanzania, so it was a good chance for him to work on his word lists without distractions. We were also able to get a few trip-related errands-- like getting his international driver's license-- done. Only a few more things to check off the list before he leaves in 11 days!

Anyone looking for a house-sitter? :)

-JLR

Patriotism

I went to a very disturbing 4th of July church service this year. There was almost a cult-ish feel for a good portion of the service as we (well, those around us anyway) sang songs that had nothing at all to do with God. In fact until about 3/4 of the way through the service I don't even know that I heard God mentioned specifically. Thankfully the final 1/4 of the service was more God-centered and we (all of us this time) sung songs of thanksgiving to God. Before you start to think I am being unfair or unnecessarily harsh, you should know that my in-laws felt similarly uncomfortable about much of the service, and it's their church.

One of the good things about such a disturbing service is that it has had me searching Scripture, praying and thinking about what true patriotism is. How can I thank God in a way that isn't idol worship or country worship? I spend a good portion of my year(s) outside of US borders, which makes it difficult to hold the same sort of national pride as my friends and family here. But I am thankful for my country. I'm thankful for those who have served and who continue to serve today in all levels of government and military.

Have you thought of these things? How do you maintain a healthy national pride without it crossing the line into unhealthy territory? (and that does NOT only apply to Americans!!!) Tim also found this LINK from Relevant Magazine that is very insightful.

-JLR

ps... I can't wait to see the rest of the World Cup games even though the US is out... go Netherlands!!!

Unpacking my suitcase...

... seems like a waste of time. I mean seriously, we're hardly in any one place for more than a week. The task usually consists of putting my clothes in a drawer only to pack them up a few days later. But there's something about feeling "moved in" that can only happen once your suitcase is unpacked and sitting in the corner. So I'm putting it to my readers... to unpack or not to unpack??

Also, does anyone have any tips on how to keep the toiletries bag functional? Travel-size shampoo bottles aren't really helpful when traveling for more than a couple days, but the full-size ones take up so much room. Plus the rest of the toiletries, the first aid kit, the general meds... it fills up fast.

Too much packing on my mind as we leave for KC tomorrow. :)

-JLR

Immune system

Why do we get sick every time we come back to Missouri? Maybe it's more about being in a new place with germs our immune systems are not used to. I don't know how to handle this. I'm all for the philosophy that uses purell and anti-bacterial sparingly because I think they create supergerms. Plain old soap and water usually seem to do the trick. Micaiah ate a lot of dirt in her first 5 months in Tanzania (not under my supervision!), and we often point to this time as the reason she doesn't often get sick-- her immune system is generally very strong! But at the same time, it doesn't seem to help against bacteria and viruses in the US... why is that?

Have any of you done research on this sort of thing? Is there a way we can guard ourselves against getting sick all the time here without living in a clean-freak bubble? Is it a matter of eating some Missouri dirt, too? Or because of our many travels, are we just doomed to a life of getting sick in every new place until we build up immunity only to start over every time we move?? Ugh.

--JLR

TCK book

We have been looking for this book for a while and recently just added to our Amazon order. It came in the mail this week and I am just kicking myself for not getting it sooner! It is truly an amazing resource for us as we help Micaiah transition between cultures. Having not been MKs or TCKs ourselves, we don't know the issues she's dealing with, so I'm eager to read up on it so I can understand her and the many things to watch out for in the coming years. It also includes the R.A.F.T. model for transitions, so I am enjoying reading more about that.

If you've never heard of the book or the term TCK, you can read more about it and/or order it here.

-JLR