My Little Tantrum

But I don't want to leave Langley! 

I know, I know... I sound like a two year-old.  But that doesn't change the fact that the past two years have held some of my fondest memories, my closest friendships, and one of the healthiest seasons that my little family of three has ever had, spiritually and emotionally.  Physically we've had our battles, but the access to amazing healthcare (ie: my naturopathic doctor and our TWU clinic doctor, who knows us by name!) has been so stellar that even that has been a blessing!  We have incredible friends, we have a terrific church, we have valuable work and roles here.  And now it's time to move on.  I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt.  It hurts a lot.  It makes me sob and cry out, "Why God, why!?!" 

"Because you're not done, Jeana.  There's still work to do."  I know this.  And in one sense I am excited and eager to get back to this work and to our new home in Tanzania.  But in another very real sense, this sucks!  The emotional stress of frequent goodbyes and international moves is by far my least favorite part of being a missionary.  

Random fact... I sometimes have projectile tears.  That's right.  I sometimes cry so hard that the tears practically shoot out of my eyes because they can't get out of there before new ones are already on their heels... and there will no doubt be many more tears in the weeks to come. 

Langley, BC has been by far one of our favorite places to live and work.  I'm so thankful to have had the chance to live here... BC truly is one of the most beautiful places on earth.  Two weeks to go.

-JLR

Alexis Strikes Again

I've been blessed with the opportunity to show hospitality to many people during our time here in Langley.  Whether it is for dinner, for an overnight visit, for game night, for a playdate, or whatever, we have enjoyed using this beautiful home God has given us as a place to welcome guests! 

This past weekend we had guests, and guess who showed up the week before?  Alexis.  I didn't ask her to come, but as soon as she heard that we were having friends come for the weekend, she was on my doorstep with a to-do list for my preparations.  A few of the things on her list were that I needed to wash the windows, dust, sweep the floors (including the baseboards, which hardly ever get included!), mop, clean the light fixtures, vacuum the stairs, clean the blinds, and so on.  I should have known she'd show up.  She has impeccable timing for things like that.  I did take some of her suggestions, but thanks to these other two posts (here and here) about hospitality, I was also able to say no to many of her "shoulds."  Alexis' house is well-organized and spotless-- I don't know how she does it with a child in the house and all of her other activities! 

But then again, my guests didn't come to hang out with Alexis, they came to see me.  Jeana.  Not Alexis.  And I (Jeana, not Alexis) have less energy than I would like, so if I waste it all on cleaning the baseboards and light fixtures, I will have that much less energy for our time together.  Is there anyone out there who would turn their nose up at me if my baseboards were not clean?  Would you insist on staying somewhere else or eating somewhere else if there was a bit of dust on my chandeliers?  I have not yet come across someone who would admit to those things, but maybe they're just being kind. 

What do you think?  What are the things you don't get to before guests arrive?

-JLR

The New Year

2011 has not gotten off to a very good start for us. We were traveling over the holidays and got to see our families in Missouri. The trip was good-- much better than we were expecting, to be honest. But like any trip, we were exhausted and anxious to get back to our home here in BC.

When we arrived at our house here in BC on Jan 5, we soon realized that there had been a break-in over the holidays. So while we were looking forward to unwinding, unpacking, and sleeping, our first afternoon/evening back in Canada took a very unexpected turn. We dealt with police reports, visits from our landlord and locksmith, and the start of the very long process of changing personal information that was stolen. We were discouraged to say the least.

We were finally making some headway with getting our house back in order yesterday when we noticed a foul odor in the house. We couldn't pinpoint it, but it seemed to be near the vents. We called the gas company and were advised to leave the house until it could be checked. After more than an hour of waiting in our car (parked on the street) after Micaiah should have been in bed, we were finally cleared to return to the house. While there was no major leak, they said the fan on our furnace had burnt out, causing the smell to be distributed through the vents when the furnace would try to heat the house. They turned our furnace off. They also noticed a small leak on our gas line to our fireplace, so the gas had to be shut off. We were so tired but managed to borrow some electric space heaters and did a family camp out in the living room. Funny, but that's been one of my highlights from this past week-- Micaiah loved the idea of moving the mattresses into the living room and all snuggling in together!

It is so amazing to see what a positive attitude can do in a situation like this. Here I am all discouraged, tired, and in tears and my 5 year old is praising God and just giggly over the fun she gets to have! Tim, too, has been reminding me that complaining does nothing to actually change the situation. Well, nothing but discourage others! So as we've been reading Scriptures on complaining, worries, anxiety, fear, etc., we've decided as a family that we're going to choose joy. Especially when it isn't easy! Because that's when it truly does transform you.

So maybe my past week hasn't been what I would have chosen, but I still have a Good God who loves us and takes care of us. But maybe it's easier to say that when my daughter is screaming "O happy day!" at the top of her lungs. :) Thanks, God, for the many blessings you give me each and every day. And thank you that your grace is enough to get me through the trials we face each day as well.

-JLR

Back Home

I struggle with the idea of home. There are very familiar places that feel familiar, but is that the same thing as "home"? A couple weeks ago I set out for a Member Care course that was being offered in Pennsylvania. Thanks to a busy schedule and the start of classes for Tim at TWU/CanIL, my family (Tim and Micaiah) wasn't able to come with me. So I set out by myself. The course was amazing and I learned a ton, but I missed my family. When we were finally reunited two days ago at SeaTac Airport, I couldn't have been happier! Home for me is definitely wherever those two are!

Since arriving back at our house here in Canada (we are fortunate enough to be renting the same house two years in a row!), I also feel more "at home". It is difficult to live in transition all the time, so maybe one aspect of "home" is stability and feeling like it is a place to settle and put down some roots.

The past few days have been a whirlwind for us as a family! I arrived at Seattle on Sunday and we spent the afternoon driving back to Langley and doing some shopping. My family did a good job of eating decent food while I was away, but I could tell Tim was anxious to give back the burden of meal planning and food prep. :) I'm happy to have it back, honestly, and I'm looking forward to trying some of the new recipes I've collected... not to mention the three new cookbooks I will be working through this year! Yay for More With Less, Simply in Season, and Extending the Table!!! I can't WAIT to try all the recipes!!!

In other news, we also officially started our Homeschool Kindergarten year on Monday. We're two days in and loving it! It is going so well, and I think being able to create a "desk space" for Micaiah is helping her get into it as well. She has a calendar and a schedule on the wall by her desk and I made a name sheet for the top of her desk... you know, the kind with your name printed neatly on the lined sheet with decor on the edges?? She lit up when she saw it. She was still very sad that she wouldn't get to ride a bus to school. But even if she went to a school here she wouldn't ride a bus since the elementary school is within walking distance.

Micaiah is getting so big! I know I keep saying this, but it is really hitting me hard. To make things even more real, she lost her very first tooth this afternoon. My how time flies. I remember when she got that tooth (at four months, mind you!) and I couldn't believe how fast my BABY was growing up... so much to be nostalgic about. :)

Anyway, that's about it for now. I have a few more things to blog about in the near future, so hopefully it won't be so long between posts. :)

-JLR

Patriotism

I went to a very disturbing 4th of July church service this year. There was almost a cult-ish feel for a good portion of the service as we (well, those around us anyway) sang songs that had nothing at all to do with God. In fact until about 3/4 of the way through the service I don't even know that I heard God mentioned specifically. Thankfully the final 1/4 of the service was more God-centered and we (all of us this time) sung songs of thanksgiving to God. Before you start to think I am being unfair or unnecessarily harsh, you should know that my in-laws felt similarly uncomfortable about much of the service, and it's their church.

One of the good things about such a disturbing service is that it has had me searching Scripture, praying and thinking about what true patriotism is. How can I thank God in a way that isn't idol worship or country worship? I spend a good portion of my year(s) outside of US borders, which makes it difficult to hold the same sort of national pride as my friends and family here. But I am thankful for my country. I'm thankful for those who have served and who continue to serve today in all levels of government and military.

Have you thought of these things? How do you maintain a healthy national pride without it crossing the line into unhealthy territory? (and that does NOT only apply to Americans!!!) Tim also found this LINK from Relevant Magazine that is very insightful.

-JLR

ps... I can't wait to see the rest of the World Cup games even though the US is out... go Netherlands!!!

Packing

We are packing... again. I wish that I had counted the number of days since being married that Tim and I have spent packing. It has to be an outrageous number! We've lived in 10 different homes (staying in a private or semi-private space for more than 4 weeks) plus countless guesthouses and spare rooms in only 7 1/2 years of marriage. And those homes are in 4 different countries (guesthouses in 5!). Wow.

It's not all bad, though. It is quite freeing to have the opportunity to throw away junk and consolidate our earthly belongings every so often. In fact, we consider it a blessing to have so little in terms of material possessions, and to be reminded that this time on earth is so temporary.

That being said, I would love a 'real' home of my own someday, and I pray that God would meet that heart-desire in some way if that's not possible.

--JLR

Home

For what thanks can we render to God for you in return for all the joy with which we rejoice before our God on your account, as we night and day keep praying most earnestly that we may see your face, and may complete what is lacking in your faith? 1 Thessalonians 3:9-10

This verse stuck out to me in this mornings sermon. We love our new church. The Word is preached faithfully. The worship is powerful. The people are great. But it's not quite home yet.

As I was listening to the sermon, I remembered several times specifically that I have prayed earnestly for God to take me back to one place or another. Each of those places was "home" for a time. I feel like I have good fellowship wherever I am-- it is something we are very intentional about for obvious reasons. But the concept of "home" is still rather elusive for me. Where am I most longing to return to? What is "home" for me in my heart? Where should I tell people I am from? Where is my earthly home? Tanzania? Missouri? Nowhere? I'd love to say that my answer is as holy as Micaiah's... "my home is in God." Maybe that's true to some extent in the absence of more tangible alternatives, but I still long for a home here on this earth. I know we've used the word "nomadic" to describe ourselves, but I think today I was just feeling the depth of that more than other days.

God makes a home for the lonely. Psalm 68:6a

-JLR