Have you ever felt this way? Like any and all attempts to hold in your words were absolutely futile? I've been feeling like that a lot the past few weeks. Typically it is in relation to culture. I can't for some reason talk about the differences between cultures without imposing judgment and negativity on one side or the other... take Halloween candy, for example. Last year we were completely thrown off-guard that Halloween candy was so different here in BC. It turns out that there is more influence from the UK, so there are more Cadbury products (and other companies, maybe??) and "weird" things like CoffeeCrisp, CrispyCrunch, Wonderbar, Aero, Caramilk and Smarties (the chocolate M&M-esque kind). They're not our favorites, but not because they are inherently BAD... they're just DIFFERENT from what we grew up with. Our tastes are more accustomed to Reeses, KitKat (even the KitKats here taste different bc they are from a different chocolate company), Snickers, Milky Way, 3 Musketeers, M&Ms, Hershey's, etc, etc, etc.
Anyway, the point I'm trying to make (and maybe not succeeding at...) is that I don't know how to process those and other differences without imposing judgment. Most of the time I just keep it in or talk about them with a few select people who know about my lack of a filter when I'm processing externally. But is that really better? James 3 talks about the tongue as a rudder and how it directs us to where we will go. It also says that it is impossible to tame the tongue. That's probably because the tongue only exposes what is already in our hearts. Matthew 12:34-36 is pretty clear about how it is because of what is in our hearts that we say what we say. But doesn't the Sermon on the Mount take all of those things to a heart level? If we hold them in our hearts but never speak on them, is it any better? Won't they come out in some way or another? The truth is, I think part of me resents the fact that I'm always the one caught between cultures. It's hard being a cross-cultural worker and always having to fit in with the host culture. Especially when every time I give up a bit of my own culture, I fit in less in the US when we're back! Why is it always me that has to change? If I keep changing, how will I ever know who the real ME is?? It's pretty draining. But if we're going to keep living the nomadic lifestyle we're living (Canada, Tanzania, wherever), I'm going to have to get at the roots of what is causing me to have diarrhea of the mouth... and for some reason stopping it up (think verbal Immodium) is not really going to fix the real problem. :)
-JLR
Are Our Headlights Out? (July 26, 2021)
5 years ago
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2 comments:
This is really thought provoking. I have been convicted of how critical I am, about everything, really. I can find the negative in any situation...and sometimes the positive too, but always the negative. I agree with you, in that, I feel like this ability to think critically and to have my own likes and dislikes (which are, of course, better and worse respectively, in my mind) are part of my identity. But are they part of my identity...a good question.
I can't even begin to understand all of the cultural stuff you have had to deal with, but I am getting the jist of what you are saying...and relating a little too well. :)
So true! What we think we will say at some point and even if we don't, God knows our hearts and minds. Constantly being in a position of having to give up the bits and pieces of one's life is almost like becoming invisible. A tough balance to maintain your own identity in a world that demands you give up self to become what they need. I wish you wisdom in this area for with wisdom comes contentment, I think.
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