The pain described in my last post has not gone away. Today is day 18 of my pain and despite my desperate prayers for relief this morning (I was thinking, "wouldn't it be great if God gave me HEALING for my birthday this year??"), I'm still in pain. The pain has definitely diminished. I've been doing physiotherapy and every day I do most of those exercises at home (the ones that don't require equipment). My back is getting stronger, for sure, but I'm still not out of the woods.
The biggest problem for me is the persistent, nagging pain. I can handle pain for a while, but long-term pain has been a real challenge. I wish I could say that I've stood firm(ly?), but the truth is that some days I'm hardly standing at all. Or I'm standing without the victory of a positive, hope-filled attitude. I've been almost afraid to blog about it because I'm never sure if my real feelings-- the raw truth-- will come out and everyone will know what a bad Christian/Missionary I really am. But maybe that's not an entirely bad thing.
A friend sent me a sermon a couple weeks back and I've listened to it several times now. It combines prayer (particularly the "give us this day our daily bread" concept) and the verses I've been meditating on from Isaiah (see below). Which of these three do you think is most impressive?
1. soar on wings like eagles
2. run and not grow weary
3. walk and not be faint (not fall over)
The point this pastor made was that the real miracle in these verses and the climax of the passage in the Hebrew poetry is #3. Taking one step at a time without falling over is the real goal of trusting and hoping in the Lord. I'm there. Well, I hope I'm there anyway. I don't feel like I'm getting very far-- and I'm definitely not soaring or running!-- but each day I get up and don't completely curse God for this pain and these trials, I guess I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. It still doesn't feel like a miracle.
"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40: 28-31
-JLR
Are Our Headlights Out? (July 26, 2021)
5 years ago
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3 comments:
We are still praying for you pain. It must be so difficult to have patience with this. I hope the encouragement keeps coming.
Thanks Katie. Don't get me started about prayers for healing and whether they really work or not! Let's just say I can identify with Jacob's "wrestling" with God and while it hasn't been pretty, I am thankful for those who have been praying that I would persevere and not lose faith. I guess it comes down to me not believing that God really OWES me healing... in fact He's promised us quite the opposite in this life and in this world (trials, etc.). But that's probably more than you wanted to know... :)
Although, it is a sad comparison, I can remember crying out when I was pregnant and past due with Sarah...so tired of being miserably huge. After 5 days, mind you, not 19, I remember doubting and wrestling, and thinking that I would never ever go into labor. Sad, comparison, like I said, but the closest I can come to empathizing with your helplessness in the matter. I really don't like being helpless. It drives me nuts and everyone suffers...but it seems that I go through things a lot that render me so...hmmm.
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