This morning, Alexis got out of bed promptly at 7am. She went out for a morning walk, came back, showered, did her morning devotions, and made a nice breakfast for her family. She looked radiant and yet understated in her freshly laundered, trendy clothes. Her makeup brought out her natural beauty without looking gaudy or overdone. The truth is, Alexis could go without makeup and be just fine.
By 9am, Alexis had finished her morning chores (kitchen clean, beds made, etc.) as well as her "chore of the day"... today it was sweeping and scrubbing the floors. She was ready to start homeschooling her daughter and had already prepared an extra craft and science activity that they would start on their morning break. School began promptly at 9 with a cheerful attitude and big smile. What exciting things would they learn today!?
Alexis is not quite real, if you hadn't guessed. She's my alter-ego and the personification of my mental "shoulds" list. She's all the things I want for myself but don't have the time or energy to actually have. She is who I picture as the perfect wife and mom. She bears an unreasonable load of responsibilities-- at home, at school, in the ministry, in her friendships, in her marriage, as a parent... I think you get the picture. She never seems overly stressed, either. She takes it all in stride and holds up well. Others think she's amazing. And she is. She's a dream and yet I despise her. She's TOO perfect. So perfect that I could never be like that in a million years. I've tried, but it's not possible. I don't have enough time or energy to be like Alexis. So I've decided that she must live here on my blog from now on.
The real Jeana got out of bed at 8:30 this morning, stumbled into the shower, made breakfast and finally told M to turn the am cartoons off at 9:30. No makeup. No hairstyle. It's Wednesday, after all, and I have no one to impress. It's 10:15 and we have yet to start homeschool for the day, but will hopefully get to it soon. My kitchen is a wreck and my floors are definitely not scrubbed! But that's ok. I'm more real this way. And I will get to those things in time. Right now there are more important things to do... things like drinking a cuppa tea and rejecting all those "shoulds" that I feel piled on my shoulders. Because today is a new day and my name is Jeana, not Alexis.
-JLR
ps... Alexis is not named after anyone I know nor is she based on anyone I know... unless of course you count the perfect, idealized expectations I have for myself.
Are Our Headlights Out? (July 26, 2021)
5 years ago
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2 comments:
You will never believe it, but Alexis has a twin sister! Yes, and she lives at my house! And I feel quite resentful sometimes, too, when she's looking so perfectly made up and has accomplished 15 things on her list and I'm not dressed and it's 12 pm and the only thing I accomplished on my list was to eat breakfast.
sigh... I had a feeling someone might understand what I'm going through. Glad to hear I'm not alone. :)
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