Alexis Strikes Again

I've been blessed with the opportunity to show hospitality to many people during our time here in Langley.  Whether it is for dinner, for an overnight visit, for game night, for a playdate, or whatever, we have enjoyed using this beautiful home God has given us as a place to welcome guests! 

This past weekend we had guests, and guess who showed up the week before?  Alexis.  I didn't ask her to come, but as soon as she heard that we were having friends come for the weekend, she was on my doorstep with a to-do list for my preparations.  A few of the things on her list were that I needed to wash the windows, dust, sweep the floors (including the baseboards, which hardly ever get included!), mop, clean the light fixtures, vacuum the stairs, clean the blinds, and so on.  I should have known she'd show up.  She has impeccable timing for things like that.  I did take some of her suggestions, but thanks to these other two posts (here and here) about hospitality, I was also able to say no to many of her "shoulds."  Alexis' house is well-organized and spotless-- I don't know how she does it with a child in the house and all of her other activities! 

But then again, my guests didn't come to hang out with Alexis, they came to see me.  Jeana.  Not Alexis.  And I (Jeana, not Alexis) have less energy than I would like, so if I waste it all on cleaning the baseboards and light fixtures, I will have that much less energy for our time together.  Is there anyone out there who would turn their nose up at me if my baseboards were not clean?  Would you insist on staying somewhere else or eating somewhere else if there was a bit of dust on my chandeliers?  I have not yet come across someone who would admit to those things, but maybe they're just being kind. 

What do you think?  What are the things you don't get to before guests arrive?

-JLR

Rest

I have been dealing with really low energy levels for a long time now.  While I've finally gotten a working diagnosis (CFS) and am working with my naturopathic doctor on some factors she thinks contribute to it (sub-clinical hypothyroidism, adrenal burnout, progesterone deficiency, and iron-deficient anemia), I still have much more to learn.  We wore ourselves out on our first term serving in Tanzania.  I did way too much and my stress levels were way too high for far too long.  So long in fact that it wore out my adrenal glands!  It's more than just being tired, my body (stress hormones in particular) literally burned itself out.

Biblical, Sabbath rest is something I've been meditating on for a while now.  What can we do to live healthier, more balanced lives both here and in TZ?  We've been trying to focus more on Sabbath rest as one aspect of that balance.  We've been more diligent about our Sabbath Rest for several months now and we're trying to really guard our time as much as possible.  The trick has been resting from the activities that make us tired and that we do throughout the week.  For me that's cooking, cleaning, homeschooling Micaiah, email, facebook, and all the other ways that I correspond with our friends/family/partnership team on a regular basis.  But we still need to eat, so how legalistic should I be?  It was helpful to remember that the Sabbath is a gift.  "The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath." (Mark 2:27)  So it's not about keeping the law, it's about resting and doing what is best for me and my body.  So we still eat on Sundays, though our food is a lot simpler (cereal, sandwiches, leftovers, etc.) and takes a lot less time/energy to prepare.  We just try to keep in mind that the day we take away from work/responsibilities is our chance during the week to refresh ourselves.  This will get more complicated when we do presentations at churches and home groups on Sundays or ultimately when we (eventually) return to Tanzania.  Church there-- in our second language and in a culture that is often tiring to us-- is not restful.  And yet it's important to be part of the local community, so what do we do?  Those are questions for another day, but perhaps there are options to take a different day or to alternate in some way between Saturdays/Sundays or whatever.  But they're important things to consider to protect our family from burnout

I ran across this post that blessed me so much and made me thankful to know that I'm not the only one asking these questions.  Is it better to burn out than to rust out?  What do you think?  Is that just another area where we are too culturally biased to see what Scripture so clearly teaches?  In our experience, it is true that burnout is a very real thing among missionaries.  I would say that it is more disruptive to missions when missionaries don't take care of themselves.  The chances of them burning out or getting sick (many sicknesses are brought on in times of high stress) at the most inopportune times are high. 

A few weeks ago, God comforted me through the story of Elijah in 1 Kings 18-19.  After defeating the prophets of Baal on Mt Carmel, Elijah was exhausted.  Jezebel sent men to kill him, and Elijah was alone, afraid, depressed, and exhausted.  He wanted to die and was in need of deep Rest.  What blesses me most about this story is how tender the Lord is to Elijah in his time of need.  He came to Elijah.  He sent him food and water (physical needs).  He gave him time and opportunity to talk about why he was tired and depressed (emotional needs).  And then God Himself met him there (spiritual needs).  I love knowing that I serve the same God and that He also cares about my physical, emotional and spiritual needs/rest! 

-JLR

Meet Alexis

This morning, Alexis got out of bed promptly at 7am.  She went out for a morning walk, came back, showered, did her morning devotions, and made a nice breakfast for her family.  She looked radiant and yet understated in her freshly laundered, trendy clothes.  Her makeup brought out her natural beauty without looking gaudy or overdone.  The truth is, Alexis could go without makeup and be just fine. 

By 9am, Alexis had finished her morning chores (kitchen clean, beds made, etc.) as well as her "chore of the day"... today it was sweeping and scrubbing the floors.  She was ready to start homeschooling her daughter and had already prepared an extra craft and science activity that they would start on their morning break.  School began promptly at 9 with a cheerful attitude and big smile.  What exciting things would they learn today!?

Alexis is not quite real, if you hadn't guessed.  She's my alter-ego and the personification of my mental "shoulds" list.  She's all the things I want for myself but don't have the time or energy to actually have.  She is who I picture as the perfect wife and mom.  She bears an unreasonable load of responsibilities-- at home, at school, in the ministry, in her friendships, in her marriage, as a parent... I think you get the picture.  She never seems overly stressed, either.  She takes it all in stride and holds up well.  Others think she's amazing.  And she is.  She's a dream and yet I despise her.  She's TOO perfect.  So perfect that I could never be like that in a million years.  I've tried, but it's not possible.  I don't have enough time or energy to be like Alexis.  So I've decided that she must live here on my blog from now on. 

The real Jeana got out of bed at 8:30 this morning, stumbled into the shower, made breakfast and finally told M to turn the am cartoons off at 9:30.  No makeup.  No hairstyle.  It's Wednesday, after all, and I have no one to impress.  It's 10:15 and we have yet to start homeschool for the day, but will hopefully get to it soon.  My kitchen is a wreck and my floors are definitely not scrubbed!  But that's ok.  I'm more real this way.  And I will get to those things in time.  Right now there are more important things to do... things like drinking a cuppa tea and rejecting all those "shoulds" that I feel piled on my shoulders.  Because today is a new day and my name is Jeana, not Alexis.

-JLR
ps... Alexis is not named after anyone I know nor is she based on anyone I know... unless of course you count the perfect, idealized expectations I have for myself.

Birthday Fun!

This past week has been birthday week in the Roth house!  Micaiah is now a big 6 year-old! 

I have been super-impressed with the gifts she's gotten this year.  If you know me well, you know how irritated I tend to get when people give us or Micaiah big, bulky, or unwanted gifts.  Don't get me wrong-- I appreciate the generosity very much.  But at the same time, we travel a lot, so such gifts tend to be impractical.  Not to mention the constant sorting and paring down we do of the toy-bin.  And I am the one who has to tell her that she can't keep it all.  She just doesn't need so much stuff.  None of us do, really.  Back to the point... I have been really impressed by her birthday gifts this year!  She got a new Bible (that we asked for), paints/paper, doodle/logic books, a Webkinz, books, a savings bond, a certificate for a "fun outing," a dvd, new rain boots, and her ears pierced (our gift to her).  What a great variety! 

Thanks to all who have sent/given such thoughtful gifts that still keep in mind the nomadic lifestyle we live.  I appreciate you more than you can know!!!

-JLR

Freedom

I used to think that freedom in Christ-- when it came to food-- meant that I could eat whatever I wanted.  In this process to get my body back in order, my doctor has also recommended a few very specific dietary changes to go with my supplements.  These include switching to a more whole foods diet, cutting sugar (as much as possible), cutting processed foods (completely, if possible), eating protein (eggs) with vegetables as breakfast, and reducing gluten and dairy intake.  For someone who grew up thinking that vegetables were mostly garnish on the plate, this is a completely new way of thinking.  I had patterns of eating that were largely carb-heavy-- breads, pastas, potatoes, etc.  A few weeks ago a friend emailed me in response to an email about this and said that she is praying, "that this will be an exercise in freedom for you in that you will feel the freedom to not choose what you crave but what you know is good for you."  Woah!  I had always claimed 1 Corinthians 8 as Biblical proof that we can eat whatever we want and not have dietary restrictions!  Is that the wrong way to look at the passage?  Here it is so you can read it again, too:  

So then, about eating food sacrificed to idols: We know that an idol is nothing at all in the world and that there is no God but one.  For even if there are so-called gods, whether in heaven or on earth (as indeed there are many "gods" and many "lords"),  yet for us there is but one God, the Father, from whom all things came and for whom we live; and there is but one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things came and through whom we live.   But not everyone knows this. Some people are still so accustomed to idols that when they eat such food they think of it as having been sacrificed to an idol, and since their conscience is weak, it is defiled.  But food does not bring us near to God; we are no worse if we do not eat, and no better if we do.  Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak.  For if anyone with a weak conscience sees you who have this knowledge eating in an idol's temple, won't he be emboldened to eat what has been sacrificed to idols?  So this weak brother, for whom Christ died, is destroyed by your knowledge.  When you sin against your brothers in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ.  Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause him to fall.  1 Corinthians 8:4-13

So what I'm learning and praying about now is that God would free me from my food addictions.  I hope that in eating this way I can be mastered by nothing-- not even food!-- and that I can use food instead as fuel for my body.  If that means completely revamping my diet, then so be it!  If that means cutting out the foods I think I want more than anything else, then God, I pray for the grace I need to get through those cravings!  

So the new verse I'm clinging to (as I still figure out 1 Cor 8!) is 1 Corinthians 6:12: "Everything is permissible for me"-- but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"-- but I will not be mastered by anything.

Now, just keep me away from those Timbits!  :)

-JLR