Miss Manners

Every generation has trust issues.  Or better yet, the new technologies that create them!

I've been collecting my thoughts for months now and every time I hear of a friend "clearing out their facebook friend list" I think about it again.  It has been the reason why I don't post pictures or stories as often on FB or even my blog... and here's what it boils down to for me at least.  Feel free to chime in if you have other thoughts to add.

• Trust.  If I post something, I'm trusting all those who read/view it to interact with it.  This means leaving a comment or "liking" it or somehow telling me (ie: by email) that you've interacted with my blog/page/wall.  You don't have to comment on or like every picture/post, but occasionally would at least let me know what interests you and who my audience is.
• Give-And-Take.  Getting comments is a bit like having a conversation.  You comment.  I respond.  That's how these internet conversations go.  If I post and you don't comment, then this is a very one-sided (and therefore unhealthy) relationship, isn't it?  Isn't the logical extent of a one-sided relationship stalking or some other dysfunction??
• Balance.  I'm being vulnerable by posting something.  If you read it without responding, there's an imbalance there for sure!  I'm not saying you have to comment on everything, but at least occasionally..
• Manners.  I think it boils down to having good manners and following good etiquette in the facebook/blog realm.  The difficulty (and I understand this!) is that these technologies are still new, so collectively we're still figuring out what's appropriate and what isn't.
• Purpose.  People use facebook and blogs for very different reasons.  Some people use them as a journal and others just to entertain their friends.  These different purposes might lead to different expectations on interactions.  For example, a cooking blog is not personal, so I don't feel the need to comment on it from time to time unless I make one of the recipes and want to communicate my praise.  But for those of us who bare our soul from time to time in the public forum, we perhaps have different expectations.  (by the way, baring one's soul is a generational thing to some extent at least.  I can't imagine someone in my parents' generation wrestling with a spiritual or emotional issue publicly!)

Almost a year ago I added a Feedjit module on the right side of my blog.  It tracks the location of everyone who reads my blog.  Thanks to having friends around the world, I generally know who has been reading and how often.  I'm starting to feel, though, that this is not enough, so I'm considering a sign-in feature.  Facebook doesn't allow Feedjit-type features, so I'm now considering cutting down my FB friends list to those who actually interact with me.  I have lots of people on there that I never talk to.  Perhaps I'm the only one who really cares about this sort of thing, but I have the feeling I'm not... how do you maintain your privacy without merely keeping all your thoughts out of the blogisphere? 

-JLR

Building a RAFT

If you've been around the world of missions for long, you've probably heard the term RAFT in connection with healthy transitions.  We first heard this term in our orientation and were really able to understand it more in reading Third Culture Kids: The Experience of Growing Up Among Worlds by David C. Pollock and Ruth E. Van Reken, published by Intercultural Press. The book is an amazing resource if you have TCKs and haven't already read and memorized everything in it!

We've been using the RAFT model during this transition.  RAFT stands for:

Reconciliation

Affirmation

Farewells

Think Destination

I can summarize on my own, but since my own copy of TCK is currently packed in a box in our garage awaiting our journey back to Missouri, I will instead point to this great blog from another Member Care worker in Japan who summarizes each step very well.  

As we've been working through RAFT for this transition, I was most confused by the "Think Destination" step.  I understand that we're leaving Canada and that we need to tie up loose ends here.  But it's hard to think about whether we're preparing ourselves for Missouri or for Tanzania.  Will our RAFT last through 3 (or so) months of transitions?  Or do we build two (or more!) different RAFTs?  We've done a bit of both, but I expect that may be more confusing than it needs to be.  Surely this isn't an uncommon thing, so if anyone has any ideas, we're very open to them!  

Maybe I need to develop a HOUSE-BOAT model...

-JLR

Good Deeds

Why do I do the things I do?  I mean really.  I often tell myself that I do things for God, but maybe I'm deceiving myself.  ??

Part of the Sermon on the Mount describes how we should pray and that we should do it privately.  I started reading this passage a couple days ago after Micaiah announced at bedtime that she wanted to learn how to pray longer in front of other people.  She loves talking to God when she's by herself, but has trouble when others are around. Part of me was like, "oh, ok-- that's a good thing to learn," while the other part of me sent up very clear red flags... so we found this passage and began to teach Micaiah about the Sermon on the Mount.  In it, Jesus taught people that there is so much more to obeying the law than the Pharisees would ever admit.  In fact, it's not about rules and legalism, it's about love and grace... the Sermon on the Mount must have convicted all of its listeners that they, too, were in need of a Savior. 

I don't want to teach my daughter legalism in place of true faith! 

So we talked about how what she does in talking with God is actually better than praying in front of other people. This whole line of thinking has sparked a deeper thread in my mind... I think that one of the parts of the Sermon on the Mount that challenges me most is the passage in Matthew 6 that talks about 'acts of righteousness'-- all those good deeds I love to do. 

Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.   Matthew 6:1 

So I was examining my heart and wondered how I would feel if I were never acknowledged or thanked for any good deed I did.  Surely we're intended to thank each other and encourage each other with our words, but my sneaking suspicion is that somewhere along the line I started to crave the encouragement/thanks of man over the encouragement/thanks of my Father in heaven.  And when I start to think that way, all those "good deeds" don't seem so good anymore... they seem tainted by my selfishness and pride.  I'm learning more and more how I need Him each day more than ever!  I can identify with Paul when he writes that he is the "chief of sinners"... (1 Tim 1:15). 

Nothing like a good sober look at who I really am to burst my pride bubble...

-JLR

Real Canadian?

The Canucks won the conference semi-finals today!  Woohoo!  We got to watch the game with some good friends and even learned a new bit of hockey strategy.  It was a play that doesn't come up all that often and I know I won't be able to explain it well, but it has to do with the time between when a penalty is called and when the whistle is blown to stop play.  Anyway, that's not important right now.

What would it take to become Canadian?  Apart from a Canadian passport, of course.  See, I would really love to become Canadian.  I love it here!  And I hope we get the opportunity to return to BC sometime in the future.  But even after living here for two years, I still struggle to understand what makes Canadians culturally Canadian.  Surely there's more than just being 'nice' and eating lots of back bacon and maple syrup, right?  (which I've yet to actually eat in the company of a real Canadian, by the way...)  In my mind I'm trying to pinpoint the things that make Canadians unique on a slightly deeper level than what we eat. 

My first real clue is in regard to hockey.  There is something to this sport that is so Canadian in my mind. Kids play hockey with their dads on the street in the same way American kids/dads play catch in the backyard.  Hockey is the Canadian past-time in the same way that Baseball seems to be the American past-time.

Much to think about and now a poll to anyone who reads this... what do you think makes a Canadian a Canadian?  (feel free to specify a particular province, too-- I expect there's a lot of differences according to region!  Both E/W and N/S might have many differences!)

-JLR

Joy

That little three-letter word has cropped up a lot this past week.... 

A few weeks back I started a new (to me) Beth Moore Bible study called Living Beyond Yourself: Exploring the Fruit of the Spirit.  The whole point of it is that the fruit of the spirit is from God and not from ourselves.  I can't try harder to achieve them unless by that I mean that I'm seeking more intimacy with God so that the spirit is uninhibited in my life.  This week we're talking about JOY.  I'm a melancholy person by nature and I tend to be more sad than happy.  I bristle at those who are "happy-clappy" as Tim and I like to call it.  Not that being happy-clappy is bad, but it's just foreign to me.  What I'm learning now is that joy is different.  It is not about putting on a smiling face and jumping up and down... it's about being lifted from the inside!  As I sat in thankfulness for my salvation and for all of the things I enjoy about God-- His faithfulness, His persistence, His pursuit of me, His generosity, His tenderness, and intimate connection with Him-- I was overwhelmed by this lightness that overcame me!  And then I read this line:

"Lord Jesus, teach us to enjoy YOU and revel in your great salvation even when difficulty surrounds us."

I know difficulty.  I know stress and transition and fear... but do I know JOY in those times?  The answer is often no, unfortunately.  But I have hope that maybe this time it will be different.  Maybe this time I will be walking so closely to God that our transitions will not be something to endure but a time of overflowing JOY in my life, family, and ministry... at least that's what I'm praying for.

In other news, Micaiah packed up her clothes today.  I didn't have the heart to tell her that we don't leave for another 13 days, so she'll have to unpack tomorrow to find something to wear... time to go look through our Third Culture Kids book (again!!) and figure out how to help her build a R.A.F.T.... (don't know what I'm talking about??  stay tuned to a future day's blog about the R.A.F.T. model of healthy transitions!)

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  Against such things there is no law. --Galatians 5:22-23

-JLR