Good Deeds

Why do I do the things I do?  I mean really.  I often tell myself that I do things for God, but maybe I'm deceiving myself.  ??

Part of the Sermon on the Mount describes how we should pray and that we should do it privately.  I started reading this passage a couple days ago after Micaiah announced at bedtime that she wanted to learn how to pray longer in front of other people.  She loves talking to God when she's by herself, but has trouble when others are around. Part of me was like, "oh, ok-- that's a good thing to learn," while the other part of me sent up very clear red flags... so we found this passage and began to teach Micaiah about the Sermon on the Mount.  In it, Jesus taught people that there is so much more to obeying the law than the Pharisees would ever admit.  In fact, it's not about rules and legalism, it's about love and grace... the Sermon on the Mount must have convicted all of its listeners that they, too, were in need of a Savior. 

I don't want to teach my daughter legalism in place of true faith! 

So we talked about how what she does in talking with God is actually better than praying in front of other people. This whole line of thinking has sparked a deeper thread in my mind... I think that one of the parts of the Sermon on the Mount that challenges me most is the passage in Matthew 6 that talks about 'acts of righteousness'-- all those good deeds I love to do. 

Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.   Matthew 6:1 

So I was examining my heart and wondered how I would feel if I were never acknowledged or thanked for any good deed I did.  Surely we're intended to thank each other and encourage each other with our words, but my sneaking suspicion is that somewhere along the line I started to crave the encouragement/thanks of man over the encouragement/thanks of my Father in heaven.  And when I start to think that way, all those "good deeds" don't seem so good anymore... they seem tainted by my selfishness and pride.  I'm learning more and more how I need Him each day more than ever!  I can identify with Paul when he writes that he is the "chief of sinners"... (1 Tim 1:15). 

Nothing like a good sober look at who I really am to burst my pride bubble...

-JLR

Real Canadian?

The Canucks won the conference semi-finals today!  Woohoo!  We got to watch the game with some good friends and even learned a new bit of hockey strategy.  It was a play that doesn't come up all that often and I know I won't be able to explain it well, but it has to do with the time between when a penalty is called and when the whistle is blown to stop play.  Anyway, that's not important right now.

What would it take to become Canadian?  Apart from a Canadian passport, of course.  See, I would really love to become Canadian.  I love it here!  And I hope we get the opportunity to return to BC sometime in the future.  But even after living here for two years, I still struggle to understand what makes Canadians culturally Canadian.  Surely there's more than just being 'nice' and eating lots of back bacon and maple syrup, right?  (which I've yet to actually eat in the company of a real Canadian, by the way...)  In my mind I'm trying to pinpoint the things that make Canadians unique on a slightly deeper level than what we eat. 

My first real clue is in regard to hockey.  There is something to this sport that is so Canadian in my mind. Kids play hockey with their dads on the street in the same way American kids/dads play catch in the backyard.  Hockey is the Canadian past-time in the same way that Baseball seems to be the American past-time.

Much to think about and now a poll to anyone who reads this... what do you think makes a Canadian a Canadian?  (feel free to specify a particular province, too-- I expect there's a lot of differences according to region!  Both E/W and N/S might have many differences!)

-JLR

Joy

That little three-letter word has cropped up a lot this past week.... 

A few weeks back I started a new (to me) Beth Moore Bible study called Living Beyond Yourself: Exploring the Fruit of the Spirit.  The whole point of it is that the fruit of the spirit is from God and not from ourselves.  I can't try harder to achieve them unless by that I mean that I'm seeking more intimacy with God so that the spirit is uninhibited in my life.  This week we're talking about JOY.  I'm a melancholy person by nature and I tend to be more sad than happy.  I bristle at those who are "happy-clappy" as Tim and I like to call it.  Not that being happy-clappy is bad, but it's just foreign to me.  What I'm learning now is that joy is different.  It is not about putting on a smiling face and jumping up and down... it's about being lifted from the inside!  As I sat in thankfulness for my salvation and for all of the things I enjoy about God-- His faithfulness, His persistence, His pursuit of me, His generosity, His tenderness, and intimate connection with Him-- I was overwhelmed by this lightness that overcame me!  And then I read this line:

"Lord Jesus, teach us to enjoy YOU and revel in your great salvation even when difficulty surrounds us."

I know difficulty.  I know stress and transition and fear... but do I know JOY in those times?  The answer is often no, unfortunately.  But I have hope that maybe this time it will be different.  Maybe this time I will be walking so closely to God that our transitions will not be something to endure but a time of overflowing JOY in my life, family, and ministry... at least that's what I'm praying for.

In other news, Micaiah packed up her clothes today.  I didn't have the heart to tell her that we don't leave for another 13 days, so she'll have to unpack tomorrow to find something to wear... time to go look through our Third Culture Kids book (again!!) and figure out how to help her build a R.A.F.T.... (don't know what I'm talking about??  stay tuned to a future day's blog about the R.A.F.T. model of healthy transitions!)

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  Against such things there is no law. --Galatians 5:22-23

-JLR

14 Days To Go

Today was a bit better emotionally.  Still many tears, but there were lots of practical things to keep my hands busy.  That gives my mind (and my tear-ful eyes!) a bit of a break from thinking too much.  As we're now in the final two weeks (!!!), we will start packing things up bit by bit until we've pulled all of our personal stuff out of this place and it becomes merely a guesthouse.  I'm kicking myself that I didn't take more pictures of the inside the way we had it set up.   

We spent some time packing up Micaiah's room this afternoon.  Her attitude was beyond amazing.  There were things that she definitely wanted to keep, but so many others that she was willing to let go.  I kept hearing her say, "I think my friend, ______, would really like this... it would help them remember me."  Oh sweet girl!  Like anyone could ever forget you! 

And yet, I think that's my fear, too.  Being forgotten.  Out of sight, out of mind.  Funny how something as "simple" as an international move brings such deep fears to the surface. 

We also watched Les Miserables this evening.  I've known the general outline of the story, but had never read the book or watched the movie.  (I know!  Shame on me, right?)  I was stunned by the depth of the characters and humbled by the example of mercy.  And the story so naturally translates to spiritual truths...I've been bought at a very high price... do I pour that love onto others as well?  Or do I judge them with the law?  Does the fruit of the spirit in me show that I am a changed woman?  Such good questions to think about. 

-JLR

My Little Tantrum

But I don't want to leave Langley! 

I know, I know... I sound like a two year-old.  But that doesn't change the fact that the past two years have held some of my fondest memories, my closest friendships, and one of the healthiest seasons that my little family of three has ever had, spiritually and emotionally.  Physically we've had our battles, but the access to amazing healthcare (ie: my naturopathic doctor and our TWU clinic doctor, who knows us by name!) has been so stellar that even that has been a blessing!  We have incredible friends, we have a terrific church, we have valuable work and roles here.  And now it's time to move on.  I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt.  It hurts a lot.  It makes me sob and cry out, "Why God, why!?!" 

"Because you're not done, Jeana.  There's still work to do."  I know this.  And in one sense I am excited and eager to get back to this work and to our new home in Tanzania.  But in another very real sense, this sucks!  The emotional stress of frequent goodbyes and international moves is by far my least favorite part of being a missionary.  

Random fact... I sometimes have projectile tears.  That's right.  I sometimes cry so hard that the tears practically shoot out of my eyes because they can't get out of there before new ones are already on their heels... and there will no doubt be many more tears in the weeks to come. 

Langley, BC has been by far one of our favorite places to live and work.  I'm so thankful to have had the chance to live here... BC truly is one of the most beautiful places on earth.  Two weeks to go.

-JLR